To orientation.. Doing the happy dance. Now I just have to worry about the review. I am super anxious about this all. I am trying to focus on the good things that I have going. And trying to talk myself out of thinking that I suck and deserve only shitty things.
It isn't easy. So much has gone wrong since Emerald got sick. Maybe it all started with getting pregnant unexpectedly with Pie. 9 month after I found that out, Emerald got sick, and things just haven been one thing after another since then. It is very frustrating.
I am just doing what I can, and surrendering what I can't to the universe. Because it isn't worth worrying about. At the same time, trying NOT to worry takes a lot of effort. LOL Shawn has somehow got it mastered... He worrys about nothing it appears.
Speaking of Shawn, after 3 months of not smoking, I caught him smoking this week. Now he is taking wellbutrin AND smoking. Nice. And he tried to lie about it. Like my non smoker nose can't smell the obvious. Whatever.
I don't want our kids to even know he does it, so if he is hiding it, it is probably for the best. I also read that if you act like smoking is a normal part of life, kids are more likely to smoke as they get older, because they take it as being part of life, and it becomes OK. If you don't, they get the message that there is something not right and are less likely to smoke. At least for that reason. There is still peer pressure to worry about, ya know? But at least it won't be part of our daily life.
We have daycare going from 4 AM to midnight right now, so he can't smoke on the property at all while that happens... so hiding it should be pretty easy. I just wish he would quit for good. At least when he hugs me, I don't have to hold my breath, when he is smoking, I just can't stand the smell. It used to be tolerable because we would go out to the bar and stuff, but I couldn't smell it on him, especially after myself being immersed in it for hours at a time. Now, it just isn't the same.
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