Muggy day.

There isn't any sun today, but the air just feels damp. I don't like days like today. I guess it is supposed to rain later on.

I saw a pringles commercial and it had me longing for Emerald. She would want me to buy pringles, just because she had a "pringles holder" it was purple. She would want to take her lunch every day, instead of getting hot lunch. The hot lunch was free. But she always wanted to bring hers. Sometimes she did. In her Sailor Moon lunch box, that she got from Hot Topic. She was a funny kid. Funny how something like pringles can get me started with tears. I miss her so much.

I wonder how much would have changed this year. She would be getting close to being a 7th grader. It is just upsetting if you think about it too hard. I don't like how the age gap is closing in between Emerald and her siblings. I want her to stay the same age older. I want her to grow older. If I could have anything in the world, it would be to watch Emerald and her siblings grow into adults and share holidays and birthdays and children and sadness with each other. I can see it in my mind. The way Emerald would be as an adult. The way the other two would be. I can even see my visions of their kids. It is almost so real to me.

Maybe when I die, I will be in that same spot. I will be in my spot in life where I can observe just that happening with them. I want to see them all, happy... together.

Gosh, I miss her.