But feel like writing. I wish sometimes I could say anything I wanted. I wish I wouldn't have made the mistakes that make being able to do that impossible. Not that it matters... I just don't want the hassle.
Still working on losing weight. It is taking such a long time to get that last 20 lbs gone... I should start walking. I am going to do that tonight if the weather doesn't get bad. I bet that will help. I want to be able to wear a bikini on my vaction and not have people mooing and oinking under their breath... LOL
I was thinking last night, of how much I miss Emerald (of course), of how different life is now, how I wish it was the same. But because I don't have a choice in whether she is here or not, I am left with only two choices. Either, I embrace the new life, and love just as hard as I did before, or I can shun the world in spite. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that Emerald made me sad because she died... I want them to know that Emerald's love made me happy and I love them despite her dying.
I wish I had more to contribute, but I don't. Not anything I can say publically, as unpublic as this journal is! LOL
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