Yawn.

Tonight I had to get my CPR and first aid recertified, so I can keep my daycare license. That was fun... LOL I was telling the lady how I am having trouble getting daycare kids, and she said that I should avoid telling people about Emerald dying until after they get to know me better and know that my house is filled with love and not some weird voodoo curse.

I got home, and my sister had ordered pizza, so I proceeded to eat 3 pieces of pizza. I have no idea what I was thinking. My stomach hurt so bad. It just isn't equipped to eat that much at one time anymore. I had thoughts of throwing up... not because I am afraid of the extra calories, God knows that I don't eat enough calories most of the time to gain any weight.. ever. As a matter of fact, this one time certainly isn't going to make me gain weight, I don't think I even ate enough to average out a maintain on my weight... but my stomach felt so full, I felt like I should throw it up, to ease the pressure.

From now on, I will only have one piece. Because Holy, Mother of God.. my stomach is still hurting.

Anyway.

I think I am going to buy a book on Buddism. I had this strange thing happen. It was almost like a vision, but it was a split second and it was like a dream... where you know something really cool happened but you can't put your finger on it. I understand something about my world I think. I honestly believe that Emerald still exists. What made her... Emerald, is still here somewhere. It is that feeling I had from that first dream. I knew she had died, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I was sad and searching for her, but... I don't know... I knew she was able to be found.

I think the answers to our spiritual questions are right in front of our faces. We need to dig inside ourselves to understand what it all means. All I know, is that I need to make sure that Anya and Ian know that I love AS MUCH as I love Emerald. They are all important to me... and to this life.

Be well...