I am tired and it is only 10:50 AM..

Today, I am going out with my sister... we will have the kids, (that makes me tired days in advance... LOL) and then I have my photo class tonight. Tomorrow, I have photo class again.

I feel like I am constantly doing something. In September we are going to Vegas and we are going on a cruise. I can't wait. Trying to lose another 20 lbs before then, but there is only 49 days to go, so I don't know if it will happen, maybe if I get my butt up and exercise. I feel like I have no time.

I finally went out and bought a couple new things yesterday, I really needed them, I gave most of my bigger clothes to my friend, Amy.

I really want to take some pictures tonight. Maybe I will. My soap orders are caught up, I only have 3 that need to go out, and those are waiting on soap and bathbombs, which I will make tomorrow. So they are almost done.

Going to send a picture in for a contest. Maybe it will win... I suppose there is always that chance! LOL

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.
— Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

I thought this quote was interesting. Seeking the truth is an interesting journey. Maybe it is more like a lot of short hikes, which add to a journey. Sometimes, you fall upon something that makes you stay and linger a while, and other times, you can't wait to get to the next town.

I still don't know what the truth is. So many thing don't make sense. I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual person. Some people think that these things are equal and the same, and I can tell you that they are not. I have met many religious people who have missed the point on the religion they are trying to live. This isn't to say you can't be both. Many people are. But in reality usually it is one or the other.

I know that many Christians say that the Bible is the word of God because the people who wrote it were inspired by such. The problem I have with this is this... they were men first. They were not infallable. Perhaps someone was being forced into a way of thinking or forced into writing what someone more powerful wanted and it was then being pushed as the word of God, when in reality it was nothing more than a fabrication in order to control the masses.

I feel inspired by "god". But it doesn't say the same things. I feel that there is something bigger that helps me come to terms with the truth, whatever it may be. That perhaps that the truth is much more personal that a bunch of words written in a famous book. Maybe the truth hides in someone small and insignificant like myself? And only you can find the truth inside your own heart. Maybe my words are the way to that truth. Not to my truth, but to your own.

No, I have no dellusions of grandeur, but I do wonder these things on a daily basis. Sometimes the ideas are crystal clear and other times foggy... but I can taste them on the tip of my tongue.

I had a dream that Emerald told me that I was getting skinnier and that she could definitely tell now. She was happy.

I wish she was happy here with me. I miss her touch. I miss holding her hand, and I miss kissing her full beautiful lips. My baby girl.