Mercury is retrograde as of yesterday...

I read today that this is a good time to brainstorm. Not a good time to make choices, more likely that something will break down... etc.

So... I have been trying to decide what I wanted to do with myself. I need to come up with a plan. I am happy and would keep doing child care, but because I screwed up, if that doesn't stay in the cards for me, I need to have a back up plan. I applied for financial aid for school, so if push comes to shove, I can have a couple of choices. I am looking at the Early Child Ed program, or possibly nursing. I can get a degree in 2.5 years and my friend who just completed the program is making 22.50 an hour plus benefits. I could live on that.

So, I am going to ride it out... and see where it takes me. If things pan out the way they are now, then maybe I might still try the nursing gig, just maybe have it go a little longer... Or maybe not. I know that there are time constraints and that you have to take so many classes together... but we'll work around that. With Shawn being home all the time... and most of my kids coming in the afternoons, I should be able to work it out. The other daycare mom is going through the same program and she is gone from 8 AM to 3 PM every day. I could probably deal with that. If I put the kids to bed at 8:30PM I would have time to study. It is only 2.5 years. Much less time than I have spent fucking around and doing nothing professional or educational wise with my life.

I *did* get to be the mom to Emerald. I am glad that I have that. It makes the last 12 years worth it, ya know?

Anyway, I am just rambling.

** got a call from Shawn. I bring up that I filed for financial aid and he says...(of course)... maybe I should too. I can go to Wayne State. Sure Shawn, just because I have spent the last 7 years supporting your stupid ass, while I worked 12-17 hours a day, and you did nothing but work at your meanial job, playing playstation until 4 AM each day... AND you have the time, and a low enough income to get finanacial aid, NOW is the time, now that I am serious about something, to decide you are going to start attempting to do it. I don't think so. You can wait until I am done. Jerk. It isn't all about you. I need to have some self worth here. I need to accomplish something in my life. I have spent too long waiting for you to get it together... and I swear to God if you say that I should just watch, because you will make more money than me, and that I am holding you back... I will smack you.

(There, now that I got that out of my system.)

I am tired of being foiled by the master procrastinator.