Why did this happen to me? Why am I forced to go on living without her? I guess I make the choice each day. I guess it is my responsibility and priviledge to stay here to care for my other two. But it is so darn hard. I miss her with every ounce of who I am. Days are less brighter because she is gone.
My mi is driving me crazy. I feel like I can't win with her. Oh, well, I can't. No matter what she gets on my case about something I didn't do. Or did do, depends on the situation, I suppose. This time, I didn't call her immediately following the $25 check she sent me. She "put thought into that you know". I bet she did. Knowing that she prefers my sil and then tells me of the wonderful things she got her for her birthday... just makes me want to smack her. The thought comes from her sending me a gift, just to acknowledge my birthday, and then making sure I know that if I were friendlier with her, I would get more. Honestly, I don't want anything from her. I don't even want her friendship. It comes with too many strings, strings that aren't worth it.
I sound like such a bitch. I don't even care. I am who I am. If I have no friends, I am completely aware of why. It isn't like I blindly go through life thinking that people really like me, especially when I am being a bitch. I feel like screaming. I feel like I shouldn't exist anymore. I feel.... I guess that is the problem. Perhaps I would do better numb.
My mi is driving me crazy. I feel like I can't win with her. Oh, well, I can't. No matter what she gets on my case about something I didn't do. Or did do, depends on the situation, I suppose. This time, I didn't call her immediately following the $25 check she sent me. She "put thought into that you know". I bet she did. Knowing that she prefers my sil and then tells me of the wonderful things she got her for her birthday... just makes me want to smack her. The thought comes from her sending me a gift, just to acknowledge my birthday, and then making sure I know that if I were friendlier with her, I would get more. Honestly, I don't want anything from her. I don't even want her friendship. It comes with too many strings, strings that aren't worth it.
I sound like such a bitch. I don't even care. I am who I am. If I have no friends, I am completely aware of why. It isn't like I blindly go through life thinking that people really like me, especially when I am being a bitch. I feel like screaming. I feel like I shouldn't exist anymore. I feel.... I guess that is the problem. Perhaps I would do better numb.
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