Ian is driving me mad. LOL He won't let me do anything, just keeps bothering me.
I really need to decide where I want to be in a few years. I feel like for the last year, life was stopped and now, it is moving forward with such force, that I am pushing myself into places just to keep from hitting the wall.
I am really, really into photography. I love it. I love being able to provoke emotional responses with my pictures... I love writing, and I hear that I do it well, but honestly, it isn't a passion for me. Cancer research? I want to do so much more with it, but I am no where near able or ready right now. I just want to figure out who I am without Emerald. I miss her more than anything. I honestly wish I didn't have to exist anymore. Take it back to before my parents had me. Just don't. Then there would be no heart ache, for any of us.
Why did my child have to die? What is it like after you die? Is she happy? Is she an angel? Can she see me? I miss her so much.
Hopefully, I can find my way. I think I need a light though.
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