Sigh...

OK, so I really don't think I am paranoid. I applied for foodstamps and help with daycare while I go to school. We make little enough currently until, I can find some new daycare kids that fit in with our family. I called my mom and asked her if she might want to watch the kids one day a week for 10 weeks. She said that she didn't want to. I was going to pay her to spend time with her grand kids. She said no. She makes out like she has all this stuff to do. Let me tell ya. She doesn't. It is her and my dad. Even if my dad gives her stuff to do during the day, it CAN'T be more than what I have to do here. More than she had to take care of when we were little and she had 5 kids to take care of? She won't even stop by to visit with the kids for 20 minutes every now and again. My parents have never watched my kids over night (minus Emerald) and won't even watch them very occasionally. We are talking in 5 years. She did watch them once a week for 2 hours for 4 weeks last Oct/Nov. But generally just won't have anything to do with them... or me.

We went to Keri's inlaw's for a get together, and she didn't even hold Eliza. Everyone held her, except my mom. She wants nothing to do with me. I sat by her, she didn't even say one word to me.

I pay for her cell phone bill, I call to make sure they are alive. I do call to ask about how to cook things... and chit chat, but she says that I only call because I want something from her. She is right, I do. I want her to be a mom, and a grandma. I never expect people to watch my kids all the time. My ex inlaws would get upset because I didn't let them see Emerald all the time. I had her because I wanted kids, and I take responsibility for them. It isn't like I want someone to watch them while I go out and party... it isn't even for a break. It is so I can go to school. So I can do something with myself.

Honestly, I think that as soon as I have a chance I am going to move as far away from them as I can. My friend Amy even noticed that my family doesn't talk to me WHEN THEY ARE AT MY HOUSE!

Oh and happy birthday to Amy. After talking to my mom on the phone last night, I was so upset that I went to bed and forgot to call. :( I suck. I am sorry.

OK, so after thinking about it, I can see that it isn't just me. My parents never watched my brother Gerry's kids either. Not just mine. Not mine, not his. But both Kelly and Jim's kids, and they each have one, and are the "favored" kid.

Keri is lucky that her dh is a decent guy with a good family. Her kids won't miss out on having grandparents when ours flake out and ignore hers too.