Locks of Love

I donated my hair yesterday. It was almost to my waist. Now it is just above my shoulders in the back... Now I get to grow it out again, right about the time I graduate from nursing school, should I be able to get it cut again. :)

My sister, Keri, cut it. Anya says it reminds her of Emerald, because my hair was about this length when I last saw Emerald.

Cloth Diapering...

I decided to cloth diaper our baby before she was born. When I told people, the response I got was "Ewww". I guess I thought that at first too. I had no idea how to fold a diaper either. But it turns out that is the easiest thing ever to learn. I thought I would go through more laundry, because she would more easily wet through her clothes, or worse yet... poop. But nope. I have to change her a bit more often, but let me tell you... the diapers hold in more poo than you would believe. My wonderful dd is a once a day goer... she goes a little now and again, but from the start, she went only once a day or sometimes less. So when she goes, it is explosive. The type that goes up the back of the shirt... disposables would NEVER be able to contain this mess. But cloth, I can make them custom fit.

I started out making these fancy all in one diapers. A cover, and insides stuck together like a disposable, that you wash (obviously). They are cute, I like them enough, and they are super easy for my dh to deal with. But you change the whole thing every time. So if I get a cute diaper to match her outfit, I know it is only going to last about an hour, maybe two, before I need a new one, and then it might not match. Petty thing to worry about, but I have time... LOL So I started making the insides separate from the cover. Fitted diaper inside, and cover over that. That solved the problem, but they take a while to dry and I have worries about making sure the insides are clean all the way through. So I started using prefolds inside a cover. They wash easily, dry throughly and fast... but they moved around when she started getting squirmier. So I bought a snappie. This is a rubber thing with little grabbers. Easier than pins. I love them. Now I can use flat diapers too. The only problem is that other people are afraid of the prefolds and snappie combo. They think it is hard to deal with. My sister hates the idea that she has to dump the poop out. But you are supposed to dump it in the toilet either way, rather than sending it encased in plastic to a land fill, besides it smells less in the toilet. LOL

I think I am going to attempt to make some pocket fitted diapers. Supposed to be quick drying, and easy. I can put a fabric next to her bottom to keep her even drier.

I never thought there were so many choices. In fact, it can be as easy or as hard as you want to make it... AND I feel like I am doing something good, and saving money to boot. Although, I am not addicted to buying diaper fabrics. LOL

Well, gotta fire a client.

This woman is ballsy. I can't deal with her anymore. I really like her kids, but enough is enough. She wants me to do childcare for $500 a month, unlimited amount of hours for two kids, one under 2. No freaking way. It doesn't matter how much you cry about it, it isn't happening. I will be damned if I am going to do daycare for her kids for less than what I would pay a teenager.

FFS.

She owes me 580 as of today that was after she gave me $476.00 yesterday, I am going to tell her that I can't do it anymore. It is stressing me out, and I can't deal with it anymore.

I think of her all the time...

Tonight walking out of school, out of no where it hits me. I think... as I chuckle to myself... "what a little brat."

I had on my glasses, and I could see glare from the lights, but everything was clear, unlike when I don't wear my glasses, and suddenly I begin to think of Emerald when she got glasses. She got glasses because she was suddenly unable to see, the board at school. After a while those glasses didn't work either... and we went and she got an entirely different prescription. I remember thinking it was the doctors fault, but it wasn't. I *had* to do with the tumor, because eventually she didn't need them at all! I even thought she was faking and wanted glasses, but she wouldn't wear them, so I know that wasn't it!

But I digress, because she was my kid... my very favorite person in the whole world, of course, I got her the glasses with all the stuff she needed. Light weight lenses, anti-glare coating. She kept rubbing it in my face that she got no glare when she wore hers, but she knew that I did have glare because I would always complain about it. I never did take as good care of myself as I did her.

Anyway, now whenever I see glare, I think of her making fun of me... or gloating rather that she had something cool that I didn't.

Anyway, nothing I needed to mention, just something I wanted to remember.

Driving along today, I am just rambling...

While I was on my way home from school today, I was looking down the road. I noticed that because I drive this way all the time, I never look far ahead anymore. Only when I am in unfamiliar territory do I really look ahead, or even at the scenery as it goes by. I thought of how when you are looking ahead it looks like you might be headed somewhere else. Somewhere new, but as you get to it, it is still the same place. Nothing has changed.

I was thinking of how my life is like that. I drive this same road every day. I wake up and do the same things, I look ahead, but it always seems to same, so I stopped looking past a certain point. I stopped looking at the things around me... in my life. My friends, how I define myself, and have continued to make the same assumptions that I did 6 months ago.

But things aren't the same, and they don't have to be the same at any given moment. I can choose to change how I look at it. I can decide that I am going to live my life to be in the future, instead of just getting by each day. I want to see my kids grow up, and become adults, I WANT to support them the way that I wish that I had been supported the past couple of years. My future isn't what it was. It might not even be what I thought it was going to be. Any day something could change. It might be something I have no control over, like a brain tumor, or it could be just because I looked ahead and didn't like where I was going. I can even mull over the similarities of where I am going and how it looks like some place else I have been. It is all mine, this life.

Maybe you want to rethink the discount....

I understand that everyone is looking to save a buck. I really do. But let's consider what happens when you do this with your daycare provider. First, I will preempt this with... I do not give lesser service to those that pay less. I mean it isn't the kids fault the parent don't "get it". But it would be nice to run across more parents that have an appreciation for what I do.

I have had two parent this week complain about things. Not my care for the kids... but rather what I don't have. I don't have central air turned on every day. If it will be over 90 for more than 2 days, I will turn it on, but unless that is the case, we won't. I started to live by this philosophy that if you can't afford your bill as it is, then you don't go making it double just for your comfort. So we do without. All of us. My kids too.

I also never answer my phone. I don't have caller ID. I have an answering machine, that screens my calls. Couple of reasons for that. Bill Collector. He always calls and I will be damned if I am going to run to the phone to talk to someone I can't pay. And the other, I am usually busy with the kids. How many times have I run out of the bathroom with a half naked baby, because I was changing a diaper and the phone rang. Sometimes it is "Bill"... and sometimes it is a hang up. So I started just letting the machine get it. If they can leave me a message, then all the better. I don't have to get up at all. Now, one mom complained that I don't have caller ID. Well, I can't afford caller ID. If I am screening my calls from Bill, then perhaps I should save that money that I would spend on caller ID on something else. Plus, you want a discount.

They tell me that I make a lot of money doing this daycare business. And I make a fair share, I guess. But let's factor in that I have 4 kids of my own now. So limits how many kids I can have, and therefore how much money I can potentially make. If you bring your child for 15 hours a day... then I only get the daily rate of $30. So that makes my time worth about $2/hour. If you are say (let's just say...) a nurse, and you are making $25/hour, and my cut of your time is $2/hour. And I don't get over time... then it isn't like I am raking in a bunch of cash. In fact, my house is getting trashed, kids wreck my stuff all the time, eat all my food... and so on. I replace stuff. I have to feed the kids... I have to buy stuff to entertain, and clean and all that. My air if on, has to run all day. I can't set it for only when I am home, I am always home. My water bill is higher... everything is higher.

You want a discount on your childcare... don't expect me to do the things that you will get at a large center. Projects, fun field trips... all things I would like to do. With my kids as well. But we can't. Because those things cost money. You want your kids to have a variety of fresh foods, fruits and veggies, every day... then those things cost money. Cutting $25/week per kid is going to make a difference in that stuff. It really will.

And that is just the financial aspect of it. If you are home with your kid, and you want these things for your children, you buy them. You enjoy fun activities with your kids. You want them to have fun when they are with me. Great! Me too. But I can't afford it on the discounted rate that I gave you in order to get your business.

Your child will be equally safe with me. But you really do get what you pay for. I hope someone can see that.