OK, restart.

After a HORRID week. I am hoping this week will be the beginning of something better.

It just sinks lower each day... but I am hopeful that this is the lowest it will go. LOL

Oh, Lisa, it wasn't food stamps, it was the food program that reimburses for food for the daycare kids. I spoked with them on Thursday and they said that because it is just supposed to be "supplemental" to my income, that it shouldn't matter if I get it back in 3 weeks for in 8. LOL Nice. I get extra money because I am low-income, but it shouldn't matter.

Ugh.

I put stuff into layaway for my kids for Christmas. Good grief, I say. Stuff is expensive. Not only is it expensive... but Kmart is the only game in town for layaway. And they consider toys to be seasonal/holiday items. So I have to have my layaway out early. On one hand I see their point. On the other... well. I could use those extra weeks to pay it off instead of breaking the bank to try to have stuff for my kids in less time. It says on the slip that seasonal holiday items aren't allowed for a price adjustment either. Does that also mean toys?? Because I always thought you got a price adjustment on toys.. If so, are they seasonal/holiday in one regard, but not in another. Not that I would complain, but it is just stupid.

Can't anyone around give us a break? Rich people don't need layaway.

On another note, I got a free $10 gift card in the mail from Kohls and bought Eliza two little pairs of pants. The kid grows faster than the other 3 did... and because of the cloth diapers... she has a bigger bottom to cover as well. I put 12 mos size stuff on her, and it fits. Around and length-wise. Crazy, I tell ya!

Oh, I had this dream I wanted to post about.

Keri and I were out somewhere, and we were going to do a ritual outside (with fire) for Fin. We were outside at night, and went way out into this park, by a pond. We weren't supposed to have fires there. Before we could even get started, we heard something while sitting on the hill overlooking the pond. It was something that seemed like a train, moving through the trees. Only it was a caravan of animals. Suddenly, something caught my eye. From behind, a leopard type cub came out of the darkness and hit Keri in the head. Pulled back, lunged at me, and laid its head in my lap. I had my hands on its soft fur, and I could firmly feel the warmth and rounded shape. I woke up and my hands were around Eliza in the same way. Well, around her body.

I think it was Emerald in my dream. Playing with Keri... telling us that she and Fin have returned to nature... and that part of her lies in my lap when Eliza does.

If I think about how much I miss her, if I were to really start to let the feelings come... I fear I would die of the broken heart that I have.

Sorry to bitch again...

Just when you think things are getting better. Splat!

The food program has been the bane of my existence the last year. I do what I am supposed to, and I get screwed over.

The latest? They changed the rules.

So instead of turning in the form and getting the reimbursement on the last day of the month... you turn it in, and you get it back 7-10 business days at a minimum from when they received it. At first, this sounds better. Like you would get it faster. Well, that isn't the case. You only have the POTENTIAL of getting it faster. It's not necessarily going to happen that way. It would take up to 6 weeks to get it back... as is the case for the month of September. Worse yet, no one told me until I called on the first to figure out where it was. They told NO ONE that they changed the way they do it... well, at least I wasn't informed about it.

Thanks to the Michigan throwing budgeting cuts into the mix, we got the last check late. I couldn't pay my land lord when I was supposed to. And we were almost caught up. So I get through that, it came a couple days late, but it got here. That was Oct 1. Now, Nov 1 comes around, and I am STILL waiting on the money. Shawn sent it from a different post office so it got there on Oct 15th. It is long past 7-10 business days. And still nothing. I sent out the form for Oct too... usually I would get that Dec 1. WHO KNOWS when that is going to come.

I have no idea how I am supposed to be able to count on this money now. It is budgeted in. It is part of my income. I am bouncing checks, I am late on everything. I have debts to people to satisfy, and I can't!

I am hoping that I get my money from my financial aid by Friday... for cripe's sake, I just want to pay my bills... and buy light bulbs, and laundry soap. Is it so much to ask??